Reflecting on my year as a 30-year-old
I started writing this on my 31st birthday because what better time to reflect my 365 days of being 30. During my 20s I was dreading reaching 30 because that decade featured a bunch of failures. Such as not living in California longer than the time I was there, still living at home and not having a full-time position. Closing in on 30 I felt I should’ve accomplished more than I did. Even though I had some good jobs, made good connections and got to travel and check things off of my bucket list.
It’s hard to look at the positives when my generation has this need to compare their lives to other people. Especially with social media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. I at least entered 30 with a full-time role, still living at home but the silver lining there is saving money, being able to travel and have one less stress in my life for now. Every year I write down goals I have set myself for the year but also reflect every birthday on all the things I did.
It helps to see that even though I didn’t reach some of the goals I set for 2019 or other years I was still able to check things off I didn’t even put on those lists. The most important step I took as a 30-year-old was to go to therapy. I started going the week after Thanksgiving and it’s been a lot of work to face issues that I bottled up in my 20’s. Especially since I spent the first couple of months deflecting as I always do until I hit a depression episode. Throughout this year I had multiple depressive episodes, including an anxiety attack and suicide ideation. This piece should be about the positives but getting through those especially the ideation is a reason to look at the improvements that have been made through the negatives. Therapy has made it easier for me to open up to those close to me. Even though I’m not as eager to be vulnerable, I’ve made bigger strides to actually open up to people especially when it makes me uncomfortable. This didn’t just happen in my personal life but also at work. The last place I expected to be vulnerable in was at work but being mentally drained has its way to just explode in this case in a good way. In my dating life, I’ve stopped being a closed book, sometimes a bit open which has made for better dates.
Even though I enter 31 as single as I’ve been the last 12 years, this year has felt different in many ways. Sure I’m not in a relationship but having open conversations with the people I’m dating even if it’s for a month or two made for better experiences. Instead of always being mysterious and deflective. I think I went on fewer dates but I was more myself on these dates, willing to be vulnerable and actually attempting to make a connection with the dates I had. A couple of the ladies I went out with didn’t want to take the dating further because I was honest about not wanting kids. Some people would see that as a negative but IMO it’s better to be open about dealbreakers and what you want from a partner even if it leads to rejection. I see that as a step in the right direction especially since I didn’t set out to be in a relationship this year. Using the podcast to talk about various topics opened my eyes to what I’m looking for and to understand there’s no need to rush. It may not have been a long time but it was a good time.
Talking about a good time was my first year working at an ad agency. Even though I moved on to a new agency last week, I enjoyed the people I worked with and the connections that I made there. There were tough weeks as well as times I wanted to quit or felt I wasn’t good enough. I was able to stick it out there for the year I wanted and was able to grow and move on to a new client. I haven’t had many full-time positions that lasted this long, in my eyes, it showed resiliency on my end. I do have to work on my confidence and decrease my self-doubt.
Creatively I didn’t get to do as much as I wanted to but there was personal, mental and professional growth to work on this year. The goal is to find a way to include more creativeness in my life along with everything else I want to accomplish. I’m on par to read the same amount of books I did last year, the podcasting took a decline this year but I recorded longer content and episodes that I’m happy with. The goal should be to enjoy what I do there and not the number of listeners I have even though metrics are so important in anything that’s produced. I didn’t get to write as much as I did last year since I was unemployed but the writing I did focus more on the mental progress and spending my weekends now as a full-time employee to decompress and rest and not focus on trying to knock out content after content.
There are some cool activities I finally want to reach for this year. With more PTO days I should use a 4 day weekend and learn how to ski and go snowboarding again. I know how to ice skate but one thing that I’m lacking and still want to learn is to stop. I doubt I’m going to learn how to code and getting a driver's license is only going to happen when I really need it.
The traveling aspect was more productive than in other years. After putting it in the back burner for years I went to Seattle to watch a Mariners game. Stayed there for a week which is something new, I’m used to 4/5 day weekend trips. I could’ve gone to a Seahawks game and just knock out going to a football game but I was trying to be financially responsible especially after going scuba diving and getting a tattoo that same week. I went to a Royals and Cardinals game to increase the baseball stadium total to 19. Going back to Toronto was fun and I missed out on seeing the Raptors win while I was there. I checked off ziplining when I went up to Montreal. The goal was to move in early 2020 but that will have to wait and gives me time to see if and when I do want to venture off to a new city.
I spent way too much time writing about myself, have to give huge shoutouts to those in my life. My therapist and best friend to be there for me emotionally when it was hard enough being vulnerable about my depression to other people. All the friendships that are still intact and all the new ones I made as well especially the ones at work. It was fun seeing my friends get married and seeing them progress in their lives. Being a captain at the apprenticeship I was in last year has been a fun experience and has really taught me how to deal with patience and never realizing that I will always have to work on empathy.
